Abused Swan 

January 27, 2009

by Deanna Kloostra,

Legal Domestic Abuse Specialist, for women

The Safe Connection Program started in August of 2008. The staff does not follow protocol and is lacking in its ability to do as it promises. The staff could not even give me suggestions on what to do for Christmas and I was not allowed to discuss with the children alternative plans. Having
children become apart of solving a problem is a good way of teaching
children problem solving skills.

The first four meetings I had to continually correct my children when
they said they hated me or that I was a bad mother. It is no surprise to
me that this was not written in the report. Wouldn’t this be something
a case worker would want to be aware of and write in a report that was
going to the court?

During the program you are not allowed to talk about the future. Future
installs hope and without hope people have a hard time coping with
problems. I did a study on hope in one of my college classes. Students
that displayed hope recovered from a crisis faster than students who do
not have hope. I understand that telling the children one day you will
live with mommy is not the kid of future you want to talk to the
children about, but talking to the children about what will happen next
week is a good thing. Talking about the week to come helps relieve
children’s fear of what will happen in the future. In this program you
can not talk about school activities, after school sports, or how the
children’s day went.

The Safe Connection policy states that the other parent will have to
give approval of the presents for the children. If the presents do not
go to the other parents home, they do not need to know what the presents are and approval is not needed. By doing this the program continue the process of the other parent having control.

During the assessment process I was asked about the abuse from Mr.
Kloostra and was so upset that I asked for a break. My mind did not want
to think about all the things I try to forget that he has done to me.
Telling someone rules and then getting them up set will not help a
person to retain the information. Any visitors coming into the program,
grandparents etc should be advised of the rules and not left up to the
participants. Parents are not thinking about explaining the rules, they
are thinking about being able to see their children.

Staff would sit on the other love seat and talk with my children and
me. Several times two to three employees would be sitting on the couch
or by the couch and asking questions regarding the toys that were
brought in. I was not at the program to communicate with the staff, but
to visit with my children.

Not introducing someone who will be supervising your visitation is very
unprofessional. Having someone discipline your children takes even more
of the control a parent has away. When a staff member is sitting next to
you, you do not need to shout so they can hear you.  I guess if the
staff was not so paranoid that someone was talking in code, they would
not worry about it so much. At one point I was talking to my son about
the movie theater in his town. My son stated he did not like it. I asked
him question about what if the theater was not there? Where would you go to the movies at? So we talked about different movie theaters in town
and decided that Knapp movie theater, or the IMAX was the closes. Then I asked my son about the price of gas and how it would be cheaper to go to the theater in his town then to go all the way to IMAX. At this point I
was told this was something I could not discuss. Apparently Renee was
not listening to the conversation. The conversation was a lesson in economics. Renee took this as “talking in code.” The reports states I was asking about a specific location close to the children’s house.

The report also states that I spent more time with my son than my daughter. This is true, but no one asked me why. The reason we are at the program is because my daughter wants to know why she can not live with me and I can not tell her why. If I tell my daughter the truth my former spouse will take me to court and say I am alienating my daughter against him. I figured I would let my daughter get comfortable and talk to me about it when she was ready and felt safe. Also the program has a doll house and toys geared toward younger children. My son is 14 and was board. I tried to spend more time with him so that when my daughter was ready to open up I could spend more time with her and it would even out in the end. Neither of the children would feel as if one spent more time with mom than the other. But as you can read this was not able to take place because the program failed to do what it is supposed to do because every one is paranoid I was talking in code or whispering.

The report states that I had a pattern of resistance to cooperating with protocol. With the program only being implemented since August, their protocol is lacking and needs a lot of fixing. I have discussed many issues in this response that needs to be addressed with this program and the staff.

The name of this program is Safe Connections. I felt anything but safe
at this program. My employer is in the area of the YWCA and this poses a
problem since my case is a domestic violence case. At the time I was in
the “Safe Connection” program, I did security for my employer.  The
report states “Allegations of child abuse are foundational to this
case.” This report excludes the fact that this is a domestic violence
case. I just love how the system and those involved in the system
ignores domestic violence, especially those who have a Master degree and
deals with domestic violence. Not one time should I have been left to go
to my vehicle by myself and not be monitored until I was in my car and
down the street.

The Safe Connection program is a ticking time bomb
waiting to go off. All it is going to take is one woman being hurt and
the entire WYCA will be shut down. Fix this program or shut it down.

 

The Safe Connections program is as bad as Child Protective Services.

The last time Deanna went for supervised visitation, she brought a tape recorder. Deanna suggests you do the same, if you are ever ordered for supervised visitations.