Abused Swan 

For fathers to get custody of their children, they are alienating their children against their mother. This has been termed by psychologist as Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). Out of all divorces, 80% are uncontested custody cases, and the mothers are the primary care giver to the children. Those 20% that are contested cases, the abusive father will gain custody 72% of the time.

Deanna had a Personal Protection Order against her former spouse. Her former spouse would fly down the road with her two boys' ages 4 and 9 in the car. His tires would be smoking and his music blaring. Deanna’s former spouse canceled her car insurance without notifying her. He shoved Deanna’s friend down a flight of stairs and punched in her back driver side door. At one point he even tried to steal her car. 

Deanna retained help from other organizations in the area for both of her son's anger. Twice Deanna's former spouse find out about programs her oldest son was in and he remove the child from the programs. One of these times Deanna's former spouse removed her son against medical advice. Child Protective Services was called and they did nothing. 
 

“Studies show batterers are able to convince authorities that the victim is unfit or undeserving of sole custody in approximately 70% of challenged cases.” (American Judges Association) (Custody Preparations for Moms Organization, 2006) “Fathers who batter mothers are two times more likely to seek sole physical custody of their children than are nonviolent fathers.” (APA 1996, P, 40) (Custody Preparations for Moms Organization, 2006)

 This alienation arises in the child-custody dispute in the court system. These fathers get the children to view the mother as someone who does not love them as much as the father does. The children become extremely misbehaved and do not listen to the mother. Judges are blaming the mothers for their children’s behavior and stating, “It is the mother’s type of parenting style that is causing her children to be angry.” Judge Patricia Gardner.

On top of getting the children to misbehave for the mother, the father will keep the mother in a court battle and try several tactics to get her to lose her job. Deanna had a personal protection order against her former spouse. He continued to call her place of employment and even called her boss trying to get her fired. These fathers are out to destroy every aspect of the mother’s life and they are doing it with the help of our legal system.

The emotional abuse by the father is from the programming of the child that destroys the child’s bond with a good and loving parent. Emotional abuse can be the level of care shown to a child made contingent on the child’s behavior or actions to give information in regards to the good parent. The abuser is emotionally unavailable to the child if the child does not participate in the campaign of destruction and will become unresponsive, inconsistent, or have inappropriate expectations of the child. These children becomes anxious because they are burdened with premature responsibly that causes confusion, tension, and frustration. The child is expected to behave and control themselves in a certain way, even if they do not understand why. This becomes more confusing to the child because the mother is teaching the child opposite behavior patterns such as being honest, caring, and helping others.

Examples of how

Deanna’s children

were alienated

against her.

-The children’s father continued to make false reports to Child Protective Services (CPS). He would have girlfriends and friends make false reports.

-The children’s father would tell the children not to go with the ride share mother, because he was picking them up. The father would not pick the children up from school and the school would get upset with Deanna. At one point the children were picked up when they were not supposed to. Deanna had no clue where her children were and neither did the school. The school could not confirm if the children were with the father. The father did not respond to any phone calls. After this the school finally decided to help Deanna. The children could not be released to the father unless given permission by Deanna.

-When the children were at there fathers house there were no rules or punishment for bad behavior.

-The children were allowed to watch "War of The Roses" by Stephen King and "American Pie" at the age of 11 and 7 years old. These movies would not have been allowed by Deanna. After 10 minutes of watching American Pie, Deanna had to turn the movie off. She was in disbelief the children were allowed to watch such a movie. After Deanna’s 7 year old watched the Stephen King movie he had nightmares.

- The children’s father would play games with the children. While married Deanna could not get her children’s father to play with the children or take care of them while she went away.

- The oldest child was diagnosed with ADHD and the child’s father refused to give him his medicine. This kept the child off balance and confused.

- The oldest child was shown by his father his bills. The father started crying and stated, “Your mother is taking all my money.”  When the child would come home after weekend visitation, with the father, the child would get in Deanna’s face and state, “Stop taking all my dad’s money.”

For more information

Deanna suggest reading

Divorce Poison by Dr. Richard Warshak 

or

Lundy Bancroft’s, When Dad Hurts Mom.

Now that the children live with their father!

Deanna’s son got into a fist fight with his father and took off running down the road. The Police Department was called. The Police Officer took the child back to his father and told him to listen to his father. Child Protective Services were not called. Three months later Deanna found out about the incident and contacted CPS. The father punished the child and stated to the CPS worker that the child was being punished because he told a lie. The CPS worker believed the lie.

-The children are told to not tell anyone his business. When Deanna’s oldest son told her about a fight her son and his father had he was punished. The police officer told Deanna’s son he needed to listen to his father and behave. The Guardian Ad Litem and CPS were aware of this incident and they did nothing.

Deanna gave her children a Fire Fly cell phone for Christmas so they could contact her. After six months when Deanna called her children they could hear her, but she could not hear them. The children never called Deanna so the children gave her the cell phone back and gave them a different cell phone. A month later Deanna heard the children talking about how they think their dad put Super Glue in the mouth piece. Deanna's oldest son got into an fight with his father because he wanted to call Deanna on the new cell phone. The police were calked and Deanna's son was told to listen to his father. Deanna has purchased cell phones for each of her sons' to call her and supply cell phone minutes. In two years they have called her twice.

-Deanna asked her daughter, during visitation, how her daycare provider was doing. Her daughter said, “I don’t know.” Deanna said, “What do you mean. Did you see her today?” Deanna’s daughter at the age of eight started crying and stated, “I don’t want to get in trouble.” Deanna’s daughter was worried because her father’s uncle is baby sitting her, and he just got his license back from driving while under influence. CPS tells Deanna she is alienating her children against their father and interrogating her daughter. 

- Mothers should be able to talk with their children in regard to what is going on in their lives; without the children having to be afraid of telling there fathers business. Punishing a child for talking about their life with their mother is a form of mental abuse. This is a way for the abuser to keep what he is doing secret and the children afraid of getting in trouble and facing a punishment.

 -Deanna is not allowed to pick the children up from school or to take them out to lunch. The children's father refuses to let the school do so. This is a way for the father to get back at Deanna for not allowing him to get the children from school anymore.

- Schools do not want to get into the middle of the custody issues. The schools are afraid of being sued.

- Deanna called the children for Christmas this year and she was hung up on in the middle of leaving a message.