Custody Crisis
Custody Crisis: Why Moms Are Punished in Court
TUESDAY, JANUARY 19, 2010
Talk to mothers, divorce lawyers, and child advocates and you'll hear
tales of a family court system that's badly broken.
Gina Kaysen Fernandes: To an outsider, Linda Marie Sacks had the
perfect life. Her husband was rich, and they lived in a huge home in
Daytona Beach, FL, where she spent her days shuttling her girls to
school and various activities. Linda Marie describes herself as a
"squeaky clean soccer mom" who "lived my life for my children." Behind
that façade, Linda Marie says she married a monster -- a man who
verbally and emotionally attacked her for years and sexually abused
their two young daughters.
When she finally left him and tried to take her girls with her, she
encountered a new monster -- family court. Rather than protecting Linda
Marie and her two young daughters from a sexual predator, a family
court judge denied Linda Marie custody and put her daughters into the
hands of their sexually abusive father.
Talk to mothers, divorce lawyers, and child advocates and you'll hear
tales of a family court system that's badly broken. It's one that routinely
punishes women for coming forward with allegations of abuse by denying
them custody of their children. Instead of protecting children from
abusers and predators, the court often gives sole custody to the abusive
parent, say child advocates. Mothers who tell judges their children are
being molested or beaten are accused of lying and are punished for
trying to intervene. Some are thrown in jail for trying to keep their kids
from seeing an abusive parent. Women, many of whom have few
financial resources at their disposal, are often at the mercy of a court
system that is not designed to handle domestic violence.
Linda Marie first suspected something was wrong in 2002 when she
received a shocking phone call from a school administrator. Her
7-year-old daughter was acting out sexually, with knowledge beyond her
years. A short time later, the Sunday school teacher reported
overhearing Linda Marie's daughter saying, "I suck my dad's penis." She
received more phone calls from school about her little girl using Barbie
dolls to simulate oral sex with a boy in her class. "I was very concerned,
these are alarming red flags," said Linda Marie.
She consulted family therapists who also expressed alarm and concern,
but failed to report these claims to an abuse hotline. In one of the
therapy sessions, the oldest daughter drew a picture that depicted her
father as an erect penis on legs. Linda Marie says she once walked in on
her husband wiping her daughters' vaginas in the bathroom before
school, "because he told me he wanted them to be fresh." When Linda
Marie confronted her husband, he ignored and dismissed the allegations.
After 11 years of marriage, Linda Marie filed for divorce in 2004. Armed
with detailed documentation, she believed the judge would grant her sole
custody of her two daughters for their protection. "I was sheltered. I didn't
know I had stepped into a national crisis in the courts," said Linda Marie,
who spent tens of thousands of dollars in a legal battle that ended in the
loss of her parental rights. Linda Marie has only seen her children during
supervised visits for a total of 54 hours over the past two and a half
years. "I'm one of the lucky moms," she said, choking back tears. "Some
bonds are severed forever. I'm thankful for my two hours a month."
Some mothers like Lorraine Tipton of Oconto Falls, WI, have served jail
time as the result of contentious custody arraignments. In November, a
judge sentenced Lorraine to 30 days behind bars because she didn't
force her 11-year-old daughter to follow the court's order to live every
other week with her abusive father. "She's terrified of going; she has
night terrors and severe anxiety," said Lorraine.
Her ex, Craig Hensberger, was arrested three times for domestic
violence and once for child abuse. His criminal record also includes two
DUI arrests, one of which happened while driving with his daughter. The
court ordered Hensberger into rehab and demanded "absolute sobriety,"
but his daughter claims he still drinks excessively when she visits.
Hensberger admitted in court that he still continues to drink, but the
judge punished Lorraine instead for trying to protect her child. "My
abuser is continuing his abuse of me and my daughter with the help of
the court," said Lorraine, who spent three days locked up until her
daughter made the heart-wrenching decision to return to her father's
home so her mother could be released from jail. "He can't get to me
physically. The only way he knows how to hurt me is to take my child
away."
"What we are seeing amounts to a civil rights crisis," says attorney and
legal writer Michael Lesher, who co-authored the book From Madness
To Mutiny: Why Mothers Are Running from the Family Courts -- and
What Can Be Done about It. Many judges and court-appointed
guardians act above the law with apparent impunity, he argues.
"There's no hearing, no evidence, no notice -- they can take your child
away from you," Lesher tells momlogic. If a mother raises concerns or
openly discusses child abuse in court, she typically ends up being the
one under investigation. "Mom is guilty until proven innocent," he says. A
family court judge with the Los Angeles Superior Court refused
momlogic's request for an interview to respond to these allegations.
Unlike criminal court, family court does not rely on criminal investigators
to gather evidence in an alleged child abuse case. Instead, the court
appoints family advocates known as "guardian ad litem," or GAL, who
are expected to investigate the abuse allegations and make their
recommendation in the best interest of the child. GALs are sometimes
licensed psychologists, social workers, or attorneys who are not
necessarily trained in evaluating sexual abuse or domestic violence.
They have the judge's ear, and their opinions can alter a child's future.
There are no juries and there's no mandate for legal representation. In
fact, most women end up representing themselves because they can't
afford the attorney fees.
Most moms don't want to take the case to criminal court because they
prefer to keep the matter private. Legal experts contend the evidence in
sexual abuse cases isn't typically strong enough to hold up in criminal
court to overcome the threshold of "beyond a reasonable doubt." While
the bar is set much lower for proving evidence in family court, advocates
argue Child Protective Services frequently doesn't want to get involved.
"If there's a custody battle going on, CPS won't touch it," says Irene
Weiser of the advocacy group StopFamilyViolence.org.
"There's an assumption that maintaining a child's relationship with the
father is a good idea -- even if the father is abusive," says Stop Family
Violence's Weiser, who believes when the overburdened court system is
unable to sort out a custody conflict, it relies on misogyny. She argues
there are many judges, GALs, and evaluators who believe that women
are inherently vindictive and will lie to get a leg up in a custody battle.
"We see it over and over again in family court, where judges or
professionals don't believe the violence is occurring," Weiser says.
"All we have is 'he said, she said.' Who's telling the truth? That's up to
the judge," says Tong, who believes the justice system isn't working for
either side. "The system is not doing a good job interviewing kids, we're
still in the dark ages there," says Tong, who thinks there needs to be
more formal education and training for the professionals, including
judges who are hearing child custody cases.
After three years of litigation, Linda Marie Sacks says she was no match
for her ex-husband's financial resources and powerful connections. "He
was buying his way through the courtroom." Despite 10 calls into the
abuse hotline by licensed professionals, Linda Marie's ex-husband still
claimed she was making false allegations of abuse to alienate his
children, and the judge believed him. Linda Marie was kicked out of her
home and put on supervised visitation with her two daughters, who are
now ages 10 and 12. "The judge legally kidnapped my daughters and
won't give them back," she said.
In some extreme cases, a custody decision will be reversed, which is
what happened to Joyce Murphy. The San Diego mother was charged
with kidnapping after she took her daughter out of state, away from the
girl's father, because she believed he was a child molester. The father,
Henry Parson, accused Joyce of parental alienation and she lost
custody. "Despite my pleas for protection to the police and the DA and
the family court representatives, and even psychologists, Mr. Parson was
able to convince them and the community at large that he was the victim,
and I was just an angry, embittered, divorced woman," explained Joyce.
Six years later, Parson was caught in the act and pleaded guilty to six
counts of child abuse, which included oral sex with a child, molestation,
possessing child porn, and using a child to make porn. After Parson
received a six-year prison sentence, Joyce told reporters that family
court's only good decision in her case was granting her full permanent
custody of her daughter after her ex-husband was jailed.
Lorraine, the Wisconsin mom who was jailed for protecting her daughter,
knows her daughter's nightmare will continue for the rest of her
childhood. "He's never going to stop, it's never going to end until she's
18." Linda Marie says she's putting every penny towards her legal efforts
to win back custody of her daughters. "I will never stop fighting for my
girls. I know one day justice will prevail."
Critics argue that not only is the family court system broken, it was never
designed to deal with issues like child custody. The goal is to develop
solutions that are in the best interest of the child. "Unfortunately when
judges and guardians start thinking of themselves as super government,
all sorts of abuses will occur," says attorney and author Lesher.
Activists are working towards making reforms through legislation. "The
heartbreaking challenge is that there's not one quick fix," says Stop
Family Violence's Weiser. "This is a war -- it's very ugly, it's bloody, and
very bitter," concludes Tong.
Read more:
http://www.momlogic.com/2010/01/custody_crisis_why_mothers_are_puni
shed_in_family_court.php#ixzz0dGbPuEJe
TUESDAY, JANUARY 19, 2010
Talk to mothers, divorce lawyers, and child advocates and you'll hear
tales of a family court system that's badly broken.
Gina Kaysen Fernandes: To an outsider, Linda Marie Sacks had the
perfect life. Her husband was rich, and they lived in a huge home in
Daytona Beach, FL, where she spent her days shuttling her girls to
school and various activities. Linda Marie describes herself as a
"squeaky clean soccer mom" who "lived my life for my children." Behind
that façade, Linda Marie says she married a monster -- a man who
verbally and emotionally attacked her for years and sexually abused
their two young daughters.
When she finally left him and tried to take her girls with her, she
encountered a new monster -- family court. Rather than protecting Linda
Marie and her two young daughters from a sexual predator, a family
court judge denied Linda Marie custody and put her daughters into the
hands of their sexually abusive father.
Talk to mothers, divorce lawyers, and child advocates and you'll hear
tales of a family court system that's badly broken. It's one that routinely
punishes women for coming forward with allegations of abuse by denying
them custody of their children. Instead of protecting children from
abusers and predators, the court often gives sole custody to the abusive
parent, say child advocates. Mothers who tell judges their children are
being molested or beaten are accused of lying and are punished for
trying to intervene. Some are thrown in jail for trying to keep their kids
from seeing an abusive parent. Women, many of whom have few
financial resources at their disposal, are often at the mercy of a court
system that is not designed to handle domestic violence.
Linda Marie first suspected something was wrong in 2002 when she
received a shocking phone call from a school administrator. Her
7-year-old daughter was acting out sexually, with knowledge beyond her
years. A short time later, the Sunday school teacher reported
overhearing Linda Marie's daughter saying, "I suck my dad's penis." She
received more phone calls from school about her little girl using Barbie
dolls to simulate oral sex with a boy in her class. "I was very concerned,
these are alarming red flags," said Linda Marie.
She consulted family therapists who also expressed alarm and concern,
but failed to report these claims to an abuse hotline. In one of the
therapy sessions, the oldest daughter drew a picture that depicted her
father as an erect penis on legs. Linda Marie says she once walked in on
her husband wiping her daughters' vaginas in the bathroom before
school, "because he told me he wanted them to be fresh." When Linda
Marie confronted her husband, he ignored and dismissed the allegations.
After 11 years of marriage, Linda Marie filed for divorce in 2004. Armed
with detailed documentation, she believed the judge would grant her sole
custody of her two daughters for their protection. "I was sheltered. I didn't
know I had stepped into a national crisis in the courts," said Linda Marie,
who spent tens of thousands of dollars in a legal battle that ended in the
loss of her parental rights. Linda Marie has only seen her children during
supervised visits for a total of 54 hours over the past two and a half
years. "I'm one of the lucky moms," she said, choking back tears. "Some
bonds are severed forever. I'm thankful for my two hours a month."
Some mothers like Lorraine Tipton of Oconto Falls, WI, have served jail
time as the result of contentious custody arraignments. In November, a
judge sentenced Lorraine to 30 days behind bars because she didn't
force her 11-year-old daughter to follow the court's order to live every
other week with her abusive father. "She's terrified of going; she has
night terrors and severe anxiety," said Lorraine.
Her ex, Craig Hensberger, was arrested three times for domestic
violence and once for child abuse. His criminal record also includes two
DUI arrests, one of which happened while driving with his daughter. The
court ordered Hensberger into rehab and demanded "absolute sobriety,"
but his daughter claims he still drinks excessively when she visits.
Hensberger admitted in court that he still continues to drink, but the
judge punished Lorraine instead for trying to protect her child. "My
abuser is continuing his abuse of me and my daughter with the help of
the court," said Lorraine, who spent three days locked up until her
daughter made the heart-wrenching decision to return to her father's
home so her mother could be released from jail. "He can't get to me
physically. The only way he knows how to hurt me is to take my child
away."
"What we are seeing amounts to a civil rights crisis," says attorney and
legal writer Michael Lesher, who co-authored the book From Madness
To Mutiny: Why Mothers Are Running from the Family Courts -- and
What Can Be Done about It. Many judges and court-appointed
guardians act above the law with apparent impunity, he argues.
"There's no hearing, no evidence, no notice -- they can take your child
away from you," Lesher tells momlogic. If a mother raises concerns or
openly discusses child abuse in court, she typically ends up being the
one under investigation. "Mom is guilty until proven innocent," he says. A
family court judge with the Los Angeles Superior Court refused
momlogic's request for an interview to respond to these allegations.
Unlike criminal court, family court does not rely on criminal investigators
to gather evidence in an alleged child abuse case. Instead, the court
appoints family advocates known as "guardian ad litem," or GAL, who
are expected to investigate the abuse allegations and make their
recommendation in the best interest of the child. GALs are sometimes
licensed psychologists, social workers, or attorneys who are not
necessarily trained in evaluating sexual abuse or domestic violence.
They have the judge's ear, and their opinions can alter a child's future.
There are no juries and there's no mandate for legal representation. In
fact, most women end up representing themselves because they can't
afford the attorney fees.
Most moms don't want to take the case to criminal court because they
prefer to keep the matter private. Legal experts contend the evidence in
sexual abuse cases isn't typically strong enough to hold up in criminal
court to overcome the threshold of "beyond a reasonable doubt." While
the bar is set much lower for proving evidence in family court, advocates
argue Child Protective Services frequently doesn't want to get involved.
"If there's a custody battle going on, CPS won't touch it," says Irene
Weiser of the advocacy group StopFamilyViolence.org.
"There's an assumption that maintaining a child's relationship with the
father is a good idea -- even if the father is abusive," says Stop Family
Violence's Weiser, who believes when the overburdened court system is
unable to sort out a custody conflict, it relies on misogyny. She argues
there are many judges, GALs, and evaluators who believe that women
are inherently vindictive and will lie to get a leg up in a custody battle.
"We see it over and over again in family court, where judges or
professionals don't believe the violence is occurring," Weiser says.
"All we have is 'he said, she said.' Who's telling the truth? That's up to
the judge," says Tong, who believes the justice system isn't working for
either side. "The system is not doing a good job interviewing kids, we're
still in the dark ages there," says Tong, who thinks there needs to be
more formal education and training for the professionals, including
judges who are hearing child custody cases.
After three years of litigation, Linda Marie Sacks says she was no match
for her ex-husband's financial resources and powerful connections. "He
was buying his way through the courtroom." Despite 10 calls into the
abuse hotline by licensed professionals, Linda Marie's ex-husband still
claimed she was making false allegations of abuse to alienate his
children, and the judge believed him. Linda Marie was kicked out of her
home and put on supervised visitation with her two daughters, who are
now ages 10 and 12. "The judge legally kidnapped my daughters and
won't give them back," she said.
In some extreme cases, a custody decision will be reversed, which is
what happened to Joyce Murphy. The San Diego mother was charged
with kidnapping after she took her daughter out of state, away from the
girl's father, because she believed he was a child molester. The father,
Henry Parson, accused Joyce of parental alienation and she lost
custody. "Despite my pleas for protection to the police and the DA and
the family court representatives, and even psychologists, Mr. Parson was
able to convince them and the community at large that he was the victim,
and I was just an angry, embittered, divorced woman," explained Joyce.
Six years later, Parson was caught in the act and pleaded guilty to six
counts of child abuse, which included oral sex with a child, molestation,
possessing child porn, and using a child to make porn. After Parson
received a six-year prison sentence, Joyce told reporters that family
court's only good decision in her case was granting her full permanent
custody of her daughter after her ex-husband was jailed.
Lorraine, the Wisconsin mom who was jailed for protecting her daughter,
knows her daughter's nightmare will continue for the rest of her
childhood. "He's never going to stop, it's never going to end until she's
18." Linda Marie says she's putting every penny towards her legal efforts
to win back custody of her daughters. "I will never stop fighting for my
girls. I know one day justice will prevail."
Critics argue that not only is the family court system broken, it was never
designed to deal with issues like child custody. The goal is to develop
solutions that are in the best interest of the child. "Unfortunately when
judges and guardians start thinking of themselves as super government,
all sorts of abuses will occur," says attorney and author Lesher.
Activists are working towards making reforms through legislation. "The
heartbreaking challenge is that there's not one quick fix," says Stop
Family Violence's Weiser. "This is a war -- it's very ugly, it's bloody, and
very bitter," concludes Tong.
Read more:
http://www.momlogic.com/2010/01/custody_crisis_why_mothers_are_puni
shed_in_family_court.php#ixzz0dGbPuEJe
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